Finding Her Page 5

  Now he did turn and look at her, "That's mighty nice of you, Lucy. I didn't expect you to comply so easily."

  "I owe you. I pay my debts. Had someone come for me years ago, it might have made a difference… " her voice trailed off, the hurt in her voice echoing through the hills and valleys, touching a soft spot in Aiden's heart once more. "I may not like the woman, but I respect her for that at least. She came in the dead of winter for her child, that is good."

  "You amaze me, Lucy…" Aiden said, his voice going soft again.

  "Why?"

  "There's a sweetness about you that is damn charming." He chuckled.

  "Have you not heard I am the White Silver Fox, I am not sweet… nor am I charming."

  "You forget, I know you a little too well. Just remember one thing, no matter what happens, I'm on your side." Aiden said and patted her hand.

  "You mean that?"

  "Damn straight, I do."

  She hugged him tight and smiled against his back. "I'm glad, because I wouldn't want to fight you, Aiden."

  He smiled to himself. "I don't think you have a thing to worry about. I don't think you and I will ever fight against each other. Maybe for each other."

  She squeezed him tighter for the words he spoke.

  "How far to the camp?"

  "A good five days ride." She told him.

  "When you hide for the winter, you really hide. We've been up here for a week or so and hadn't seen hide nor hair of an Indian."

  "Because of the war with Custer stirring up trouble, he raids our camps in the summer, he kills man, woman, and child, we have had to hide. He is a fierce warrior, few like him, thank the Creator. We will stay there a month, and then move again." She told him. "The Sioux will go further East. The Cheyenne will go West or South."

  "That's why no one can find you. You don't stay in one place long."

  Gloria moved up to join Aiden.

  "Hiding is a way of fighting. Soldiers would die up here trying to find us." Lucy finished and glanced at the woman.

  "How long will it take to get there?" she asked.

  "Five days, I’m told." Aiden replied.

  "Five days… "

  "Yes ma'am. You really shouldn't have come up here, ma'am. But I respect you for doing so." Lucy told her.

  "I came for my daughter, I won't go back without her." The woman said and joined her husband once more.

  "She is a very determined woman, is she not?" Lucy asked.

  "Looks that way." Aiden replied. "Does your tribe have adequate food and water for the winter?"

  "We will manage," she replied. "As we always do. The Great Spirit smiles upon us."

  "You could probably make a deal with the Major for more food and supplies if they'll comply with the conditions."

  "I don't like that word, conditions. They don't want us raiding, but they allow Custer to kill our families. Does he think that we will not fight back? Aiden, they killed our women and children. Women that flashed the white flag at them were shot down, with the flag still in their hands. He is evil to us. To the Sioux and the Cheyenne."

  "I'm sorry, I hadn't heard about it."

  "And the reasons he has for doing so…. Power, fame, and a true hatred of our people. They will not bring him to justice, so we must fight him. They want us to stay here on the reservation but send settlers up here to crowd us out, to cut our trees. And the greed for gold and silver and copper grows each day. Does this Major seek peace or war?"

  "Peace, they want the raids to stop. The want you to stay on the reservation."

  "We stay and Custer comes. If we don’t move, he will come again and kill more. It is not right that he is allowed to kill our people and we cannot fight back Aiden. The real problem has always been that the whites are not keeping their word. Already many settlers have been through here, cutting the timber, sending it down the Cheyenne river to the settlements there. It is not their land to do with as they please. It is our land. Our people. They do not recognize it as our land. And we were promised this land by the big chief in Washington. So why can others come and take, and we cannot have what is rightfully ours?"

  "How long ago was Custer there?"

  "Two months ago, before the big snows came."

  "He killed women and children?"

  "Many? Yes, many. Slaughtered them like cattle."

  She wiggled a little and he sent her a quick glance, "Don't fall off."

  "Why, what does it matter to you?"

  "You're just getting my back warmed up." He chuckled.

  She laughed aloud and clung to him closer. "I will always love you Aiden, always. Because despite everything you will not lie to me. It makes me love you."

  Chapter Four

  They camped after they made a good twenty miles in the thick snow. The farther into the mountains they went, the colder and heavier the snow was. Everyone was tired, frozen and anxious to get to the village.

  Angus helped Aiden set up camp for the night, the women began preparing the food. They built a big fire to warm them, and so the women could cook. The Indian woman tried to help Gloria, but Gloria didn't welcome her help.

  When Lucy saw that the white woman didn't welcome Pumpkin's help, she didn't attempt to help her either.

  Angus saw how Gloria snubbed her help and came up to her boldly. "Pumpkin is a good cook, and she's right handy to have on the trail. She'll be glad to help all she can."

  Gloria stared at the crusty man before her. "Fine, but she must wash her hands before she touches the food." Gloria instructed.

  "Why?" Angus snorted, "the heat from the fire kills the bad. It's too cold out here to wash your hands all the time."

  "It's more sanitary."

  "Sani what?"

  "Never mind." Gloria cried with exasperation, folding her lips together in a frown.

  Aiden built a fire and instructed Gloria to use melted snow for the coffee. She nodded.

  Lucy studied her for a long moment. She didn’t offer her help, but watched, nonetheless.

  "You're not going to help with the cooking?" Aiden asked Lucy.

  "It's your camp, not mine."

  "I guess you're right." He grinned.

  "She does not want Pumpkin's help, what makes you think she'd want mine. She is very beautiful."

  "Yes, she is." Aiden agreed. "I'm sorry for the way she acts with you though."

  "It does not surprise me. It is always the same. Is that her husband that stands and watches her so?"

  "Yes."

  "He is very quiet."

  "I've noticed that myself."

  Lucy kept watching her. She was still a young woman, and very pretty. But like so many whites, this woman could not see her as a person. It suddenly became important that she did to Lucy. As the woman finished cooking and started dishing up the food to everyone, Lucy came closer. "Your child is at the village." She finally told her.

  Gloria spun around to look at her, her mouth hung open in surprise. "You've seen her?"

  "I have," Lucy affirmed. "She is fine."

  The relief in the woman's eyes made Lucy glad she told her. She deserved to know the truth. She was a woman of courage, and Lucy couldn't deny that.

  "Why did they take her?" Gloria's voice softened a bit. "I don’t understand. I don't know much about the Indians. I'd like to understand."

  "The Sioux are in mourning. Although they won many wars, Custer and his men had wreaked havoc on their villages, killing many women and children. Just two months ago it happened. During their mourning they seek to find a replacement for their dead. That's why they took her. It is their custom. A life for a life." Lucy began to explain, and everyone came to listen. "It means they take a white child to replace a dead child, killed from a white man's massacre. Custer, he hates the Indians, all of them."

  "Replace? You mean they want to raise her as an Indian? As their own?"

  Lucy nodded, "Yes."

  "But they can't do that!" the woman exclaimed her voice rising with indignation. "She
's white."

  "They can and have many times. Why do you think I live with them?" She stared boldly at the woman now.

  Lucy saw the understanding dawning now.

  The woman stared. "You were captured by them too?" Her voice was wistful, shocked even. "I'm sorry, I should have guessed."

  "That's right, many years ago. They brought me up as their own." Lucy continued. "I grew to love them and respect them. They are my people now. Not the Sioux, the Cheyenne."

  "But your white… how could you become one of them?" The way she said that, with just a touch of hate in her voice, had Lucy staring.

  "How could I?" Lucy knew this woman knew nothing of the Indian culture and she knew she had to use understanding with her. "I was but a child. I knew nothing of wars or fighting. I am white, but I was small when they took me. I could not fight them. I did not hate them. A child does not hate, unless they are taught to. Because they loved me, took care of me, I grew to love them. They made me their own."

  "Didn't your family… come for you?"

  Lucy hung her head and turned away from her. "No," She began to walk off but turned and looked over her shoulder at her, "No one came. No one ever came. It is strange now that I think on it. When you are captured, at a young age, you wait, thinking they will come. If they don't you are lost until you accept the love that Indians give so freely to a child. When you are older, you don't want them to come any longer, for you know that shame would be upon you if they took you home. I do not know why this happens. But it does."

  "Did they hurt you?" Gloria came closer to her now, needing to know more, wanting to understand it.

  "No," Lucy knew she needed to know these things and was glad she was interested enough to ask. "They loved me, like their own." Lucy told her. "You see, I took the place of their dead child too. I was no longer white, but Indian to them. All I had to do was accept this. So, they loved me as their own just like they have your daughter. They treat her with love and kindness, and she is happy and healthy. I wanted you to know this, so you will not hate them. So, you can learn to understand their ways a little."

  "Then… why are you helping me now? I don't understand. Why are you telling me all of this?"

  "Because," Lucy paused and took a breath, and held the tears back that threatened to spill out. "I had prayed as a child, that they would come for me. No one ever did. Not one. I was so sure they would. But they never did. In all those years, not one. A cousin, an uncle, my grandfather, none of them came." She raised her chin now, proudly. "To see your determination to get your daughter back, makes me think highly of you. Now, do you understand. I respect you."

  The woman's face softened on her now, with a sense of compassion. "Yes, yes, I think I do. Perhaps your folks died or something and couldn't come after you."

  "Perhaps. I will speak to my people for you. They will listen to me."

  "Will they give me my child back?"

  "I do not know. But I will ask them to, for your sake."

  "I don't understand? Why would you?"

  "Because what you are doing for your child, is what I had wished my folks had done for me a long time ago. And for all the others that have come and have gone. I have seen many. When one is captured, depending on their age, they are afraid, confused, and wondering what will happen next. They miss their parents, for a while. Then in time, you accept what happened and go on, to survive. A child does not know to kill themselves, they only understand the love."

  "Were there many captives?"

  "Yes, through the years, there were several in our camp. Most adapted. Some… didn't survive."

  "What happened to them?" Gloria asked her compassion bringing her suddenly closer.

  "Some died, of disease, of accidents. Some survived and married later. The survivors became like me, Indian. What the white man does not understand is that there is no choice in the matter. You live and learn to love, or you die."

  Then Lucy walked off.

  Aiden watched her. He saw the slump in her shoulders, the way her head bowed. None of them, save him, knew the hurt she carried. For he knew even though Lucy was a proud Cheyenne now, she was also a proud white. He understood her confusion too. He always had.

  He passed Gloria, "I didn't realize." She murmured.

  "I know," he whispered.

  "She's the White Silver Fox, isn't she?" Angus asked Aiden as he came up toward him.

  "Yes."

  "I heard about her. The Indians think she's a spirit woman."

  "Yes, they do." Aiden agreed. After seeing to the horses, he passed Angus and added as he walked off to find her once more. "And in some ways, I think maybe she is."

  "What do you mean?" Angus called.

  Aiden paused and turned to look at him. "Her own people didn't care enough about her to come get her. None of them, not aunt, uncles, cousin, not even her grandfather, whom she loved dearly. At least that's how she sees it. She's lived with that. She realized that fairly early on. And it left a scar that is still there. A hurt that can't be mended. Every time she's around white people, she remembers, and it hurts. But the Indians loved her. And she loved them back. She made them her family, she had no choice in the matter. She seems to be able to see things more clearly than others. Perhaps because she had to learn to understand so early. I think you will see this in her and recognize it. She has the power to understand beyond most."

  Angus stared after him as he walked off.

  Aiden found her crying in a forest of trees, he waited until she had control of her emotions then he approached. "Why'd you tell her about the child?"

  Lucy whipped around, startled, Aiden was nearly behind her. Usually she could hear someone approach. She swallowed hard, the snow was hard now, as it was well below freezing. It made a crunching sound. "So, she would not go into the camp angry and make a scene. So, she would understand. I respect her Aiden, for what she does. I do not want to see her killed for this. I will see she gets her child back, Aiden if I can. I promise that."

  "Can you make that kind of promise?" He asked.

  "Yes… because I will try. I will pray for her and her daughter."

  "Lucy, now that you are grown, I want to talk to you."

  "Aiden, you are not my father… "

  "I know… "

  "Or my brother… "

  He studied her long and hard. "I am your friend, though."

  "Yes, you are!"

  "You were taken, and no one came, that much is true. But you were loved by the Indians, you were their child, isn't that so?"

  She shrugged, then looked at him and nodded, "Yes."

  He put his hand on her shoulder, "Then don't feel so badly about it all. You were loved Lucy, just by different people. Just as I was."

  "By the fur trapper?"

  "You remember him?"

  "Of course, I do." She smiled. "I loved him too. What you say is true. And it is not the Indians that make me sad. And I am not sad most of the time. It is only when I see the whites, something makes me sad inside and I cannot hide the sadness Aiden. Very sad. Perhaps my folks did die. Perhaps they couldn't come after me. Surely, someone could have come, could have cared. If I'd only known they tried to come. But I am white Aiden, as white as you. I do not think much about it, until you or another white comes around. Then I remember, and I think. And yet because of the clothes, and the way I think and believe, I can never be accepted as a white, but my skin is white. I am white. Unlike a breed, I cannot walk in both worlds. It was not my choice to live as an Indian, in the beginning. But it became my destiny. I do love my Indian father. I care about them. All of them, their struggles to stay alive, their struggles to make treaties that the white man will not honor. I love my people, and I know they are my people, but… sometimes, a certain part of me cries out. When I am with the whites, something calls to me. I don't understand it. It pulls at me and I feel the hurt all over again. Because with your people, I am trapped on the outside, I cannot enter. I know that. I've tried many times to bury it. And
only you know how deep my hurt goes. Please do not share it with the others."

  "I would never do that, Lucy. I know. It's natural. I'm not scolding you for it. Just don't want to see you hurting." He put his hands on her shoulders.

  "You cannot prevent it. I should know better by now. But sometimes, I see the white man and the white women, and I feel so cheated." She cried and turned away. "Like I missed something. And yet I know I could never fit into their world. Not now."

  He took her in his arms. "I know that too, I've always known. I would have taken you out of there myself, but I knew what you would have faced. I didn't want that for you! At least where you were, you were loved."

  He pulled away, so he could look into her eyes. "Do you want to be white, Lucy? Is that what eats at you?"

  "It's a little late to be asking that. I think like an Indian, dress like one, I even married one… " she nearly laughed.

  "Will you go to the fort with me?"

  She hung her head. "I'll go, only because you ask me. I would do anything for you."

  He smiled, "Thanks… "

  "Aiden?"

  She called him back as he was about to leave.

  "You're the only link I have to the white world. The only real link I want to have. You know my story. You know how I feel inside. Not many know that. I try not to let others see. But… please do not judge me, I couldn’t stand that from you. I do not seek or want your pity, only your understanding."

  He nodded. "You've got that."

  He came to stand beside her once more. "Lucy, I've got an idea that might make it easier for you. If you'll listen."

  "I will listen," she nodded.

  "Good, let's get back to camp. We'll talk of it later." He encouraged her.

  She nodded and walked back with him.

  Gloria came closer to her as the others were eating. "My child is well, you say?"

  "Yes, she is happy," Lucy admitted.

  "What does she do in their camp?"

  "Like all children, she makes friends, she plays and eats and sleeps. Red Feather watches over her all the time, she is the one that lost a child when the soldiers came and killed many of the women and children. She still mourns for her child, but she already loves yours. It will be hard to take her away from her, but I will talk with her."