Be Free My Heart Read online

  "Is it true?"

  "Yes."

  "Then I'll take you back to your husband. It's where you belong. You do want to go, don't you?" Matt asked her simply as he sipped the coffee.

  She turned her head, as though puzzled by his decision, or not certain of her answer one.

  "Why?"

  "Why what?" He glanced up at her now as he settled against a tree trunk.

  "Why would you bother with me? Why would you bother taking me home?" she eyes him suspiciously.

  "I just told you, to right some of the wrong, and to get you back where you belong."

  Matt was quiet a moment, then scrutinized her. He leaned to look at her. "Despite how it looks, I wasn't brought up like them. When they stole you from that Supply Store, that was about the last straw. All they originally wanted was a cook, but I saw the looks they were giving you. And they weren't decent. I knew what they wanted. That was the beginning of my leaving them. Then Jake killed that fellow. I didn't like that either. I didn't know the man, but I still didn't like it. I couldn't stop that, and I wish I could have. But it's done. You’re a married woman, you belong with your family, your husband…"

  "But I am Indian. Why does that matter to you?" She asked with a disbelieving frown.

  Matt was quiet again, he was wearying of her suspicions and questions, then he stared into the firelight. "People keep reminding me that you are an Indian. I got eyes. I can see. You're a human being, that's all that matters. Another of God's creatures. Because I was wrong to hook up with those men. Wrong to rob. Wrong to go along with taking you. I realized that, and I want to right the wrongs. So, I'm taking you home. It's as simple as that. I feel I owe you that much. I've made up my mind." The determined set of his chin told her he meant it.

  She sat down on the opposite side of the fire, but it was obvious she didn't quite believe him yet.

  "I do not believe you." She said simply, raising a defiant chin to him.

  "That's alright. I didn't expect you to. But if you want to live, and get home, you'll do as I say. Understand." His eyes met hers now, for the first time and something changed in her expression.

  "I will do as you say." She repeated dully. "That Jake, why did he want me so?"

  Matt studied her a minute. A shy smile lit his lips. "I guess because you are pretty for one thing. But the real reason is because you are a woman and he hadn't been around one for some time. Believe it or not, he's married, got a wife back in Missouri and supposedly three kids too. Before he took to stealin' with Toby, he was an accountant at a bank, a fairly decent fella. But a man out here, with not much on him but the time of day, forgets what he left behind quickly."

  She turned her head to stare at him. "Jake was married?"

  "That's what he told me, yes." Matt affirmed.

  The disbelief in her voice told him she was having a hard time picturing him as a decent man.

  "I know it's hard to believe, but it's true. He was pretty decent when I first met him." He shot her a smile. "I guess I confuse you. I don't blame you, entirely. You see, I don't believe that people are born bad. My father did, but I don't. Now, Jake just lowered his standards of living with the likes of Toby. First time I met Jake, he was in a suit of clothes, not a bad looking fella. Like me, he fell in with Toby and things changed quickly. I guess he just got tired of working for so little money. But in truth it wasn't much better being an outlaw. Even if you managed to steal some money, you are constantly on the run from the law and can't enjoy it. I think we all knew that outlawin' wasn't a profitable business after a while. Still, it was the murder, and taking you that cinched it for me. I finally came unto myself."

  She looked puzzled by his words.

  "I realized it wasn't how I wanted to live. It's not who I am."

  She still didn't quite believe him or trust him. He could see that in her expressive brown eyes. That would take time after the way she'd been treated, but if she thought on it a while, she'd remember that he never touched her, nor hurt her in any way. And trust would come in time.

  What she didn't know was that Matt didn't have a real plan of action. He just knew he was tired of outlawing. And, he knew he wanted to return her to her people. To him that was right.

  Matt wrestled with his decision only seconds when he saw Jake trying to take her. Although he'd spent a tolerable amount of time fretting about what he'd got himself into before Jake tried to rape her. Matt hadn't planned on murder, nor rape. After all these men had been half way decent at one time.

  Jake intended to rape her right in front of him. Matt felt his skin crawl and that's why he pulled a gun on him. The man was a pig, or had come to be, and quite suddenly Matt knew he didn't want to be the same. Living the outlaw life so long had made Jake a different man than he'd once been. But Matt wasn't going to become like them. He was still young, and he wanted to do some living before they put him six feet under. He glanced at the Indian girl, she was pretty, and very small, but he wouldn't be telling her, she didn't like him much more than Jake anyway. Still, he'd do the right thing and get her to her people. He knew once he did, he'd feel a lot better about himself.

  When Jake killed that clerk, it all came clear to Matt just how deep he had gotten into the outlaw business. He didn't believe in killing innocent people, nor raping them either.

  He had been a decent young man up until he met Toby and his gang. Rebelling from his religious father had him joining a bunch of thieves. It hadn't taken him long to realize he was wrong. Not that he would ever return to his folk's place. He'd left home for good. That much he was sure of. He didn't know what might lie ahead of him now, but it wouldn't be on the wrong side of the law, or a noose.

  He stared at Snow Bird. The sooner she began to trust him the easier it would be. He'd done his best to ignore her in camp, as he didn't want to become involved in any way. Raping, even an Indian was wrong, and he couldn't let her suffer a fate like that. Besides, she was a woman first. Despite his rebellion, he suddenly realized that his father's religion had penetrated his thinking. He was a Christian man, and he knew now that no matter where he went, or what he did, nothing would change that fact. Some things just stuck.

  Although barely twenty-one now, he had begun to take a stand on his own beliefs. He believed in God and Jesus, and he prayed, but he didn't think dancing, kissing a girl, or having a drink now and then was a sin. He believed all things in moderation. His father hadn't seen things that way, so they parted ways. And yet Matt realized, not too far, although his father would never know it.

  His father believed breathing was a sin. And when Matt came of age, he realized he had his own idea of religion. And he believed strongly that his father was wrong in imposing such strict behavior on his kids. His brothers and sisters were too young to follow him, but Matt figured eventually when they learned to think for themselves, they'd leave too. Someday, they would have their own feelings about religion. Getting a beating for breathing wasn't his idea of how life should be lived any more than outlawing. He didn't think God approved of the beatings either. There had to be some middle ground, there just had to be.

  If God didn't like dancing, and kissing, why would it be a part of life?

  His father was a tyrant and didn't even realize it. And yet Matt suddenly realized that he had instilled better values in Matt and for that he was grateful. Because those beliefs had been instilled, Matt wouldn't be straying too far from what was right.

  Realizing just how much of that religion had taken hold, Matt also realized that he wasn't as bad as his father had made him out to be. He just didn’t want to be beaten anymore. He believed in God and doing the right thing. It made him almost chuckle to himself. He wasn't sure when he'd grown up, but he knew he had. Outlawing had taught him his own religion, quickly. He'd been on his own for three years now and it was eye-opening for him. He'd seen both the good and the bad side of living and right now, he wanted back on the good side. He knew now that he wasn't going to be straying back to those ways.

&n
bsp; Somehow, he'd become a man, and he'd chosen his path.

  "Your father wants to beat it into you. But I want you to grow into a man, the right way. Be your own man. Make your own decisions. It's the only way to truly grow up, son." His mother had told him.

  "Why do you smile so much?" Snow Bird asked him as she finished cooking and dished him some bacon and beans.

  Matt shrugged away his thoughts to answer her, taking the full plate from her and eating.

  "It's a long story." He said as he took another bite and looked at her. There was only one plate and she had given it to him.

  "What about you, are you gonna eat?" He asked.

  "When you finish, yes…" She nodded. "Now will you tell me the long story?"

  Matt almost chuckled then sighed heavily. "Well, I was thinking about my folks. You see, my Pa was very religious, and a very strict man. He was a preacher. He raised me to go to church and when I messed up, he beat me with a hickory stick, if he could find one, or a belt if he couldn't. He beat me regular. Because I was always saying something he didn't like or doing something. I hated it, I almost hated him. I ran away from it. I didn't think he was fair. I still don't think he was fair. But the funny part is, what he taught me, stuck, if you know what I mean. I believe in doing things right. He just never saw that. And I never realized that what he taught me took and that I could act upon it until today. I think today, I've finally became the man I want to be."

  "And will you go back to your home when you take me to my people?" She asked.

  "No, no, that is over. I'm a man now and I'll find my own way."

  "The outlaw way?" She raised a brow.

  "No" He stared into her disbelieving eyes. "I thought maybe I'd work a while, maybe on a ranch or something, earn me some money and buy me a little place." He told her.

  She stared with questions in her eyes. "Why?"

  "Why what?" he asked.

  "Why will you not go back home?"

  "Because," he thought again about it. "Sometimes you can't go back home. You don't belong there any longer. Sometimes you should make your own home. That's what I'll do."

  Something crossed her face, but Matt couldn't put it together. Why had what he said affected her?

  "You will not miss your people?" She asked.

  "Oh sure, I'll miss them," He shrugged. "But I won't live with them anymore…"

  "Did you have a big family?" She asked.

  "Three brothers and two sisters. I was the oldest. My oldest sister married and moved off, after a while. I had a younger sister, she reminds me of you a little. And three younger brothers."

  When she sat down her dress rode up on her legs, but he tried not to pay attention to that. Still he was a man, and he couldn't completely ignore how pretty she was. He tried not to pay attention, but that just didn't take either. She wore a band around her head, that was decorated, and a necklace that was kind of pretty, and even though her dress was just deer hide, it looked right on her. Her hair was long, black and braided on both sides. She had big sad dark eyes. He'd seen a few Indians but none quite as pretty as her. He wondered if she was married to a chief or son of a chief.

  "I guess you are anxious to get back to your people?" He asked.

  She bowed her head and didn't answer.

  "Aren't you?" He waited for her to answer.

  "Yes," she said lowly, as though mulling her answer.

  "Do you have children?" He asked as he finished his plate and gave it to her.

  She went to the creek to wash it and came back. "No, I have not been married that long. I was his third wife."

  "Third wife?" Matt couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice. "You mean he has more than one wife?"

  "Yes, my sister, and another. I was his last wife as far as I know."

  "And your husband, is he a warrior?" Matt asked as she dished up her plate.

  "He is a dog soldier, the strongest and mightiest of the tribe." She said proudly.

  Matt nodded. "Well, I hope he will understand that I am trying to bring you home unharmed." Matt told her.

  "He will not understand that. He hates the whites. All whites. Unless I could speak up quick enough, he would kill you, before you said a word."

  Matt made a face. "I see." That could be a problem, Matt decided.

  "Despite this, you will still take me home?"

  "Yes. If that's where you want to go."

  "You are very brave. I did not expect that."

  "Or stupid one." He chuckled.

  "If you take me home, I will tell my husband that you mean no harm." She explained. "If he will listen."

  "Yeah well, if you can do that before he shoots me, that would be good."

  Had they reached some mutual ground? He hoped so. He didn't want to fight her all the way.

  "Will he listen?"

  "I do not know. I have much to tell him about the white man, and he will not want to hear some of it. White people took our land, pushed us upon reservations where we cannot grow food, or even hunt without problems. He hates all whites."

  She saw the disdain in his eyes and shook her head. "You do not understand the Indians. Do you?"

  "No, I guess I don't. I mean I realize we fought, and we won, and we did put the Indians on a reservation, where they didn't want to go?" He questioned with a smile. "But in all wars, one must lose. When you start a war, you must accept that. Our country warred with each other, and we lost a lot in the south and the north. When it was over, people were still angry. I guess it takes a lot of time to get over the hate."

  "You are right. But I fear my people will never get over it. We are not a forgiving kind of people. I only know my husband will not like you."

  Matt shrugged realizing quickly that the battle between the white and the red might never be completely over. "Better get some rest, we'll leave at first light. By the way, where do I find this tribe?"

  "Our home is near the Powder River Basin," she responded eagerly with the information.

  "Powder River, huh. Okay, it will take some time with only one horse to get you there, but we will get there." He assured her.

  She stared at him in thought. "Winter is coming on, the first snow in the mountains will come soon," she nodded, and made her bed after she cleaned the dish.

  "Yeah, there's already a chill in the air."

  She lay down on the opposite side of the fire and stared at him.

  "I'm sorry about Jake…" He rasped. "Not all white men are bad."

  "I am used to the white man. I have a small knife, and I would have used it." She told him now with a slight smile.

  "Oh God, I'm glad you didn't." He raised up a bit from his blanket.

  "Why? He is not a good man. Even you must not like him."

  "That doesn't matter. We don't need a murder following our shadows. Do we? If one of us had killed Jake, Toby would be after us for sure. This way, he might figure it isn't worth the time."

  "It is of no importance to me, it is self-defense." She told him. "Do you not imagine that others at the lodge tried the same thing."

  "Did you kill them?" He frowned at her.

  "No. I did not kill." She told him, but suddenly she hung her head as though she had a sad thought. Matt watched her. She was a curious little thing, and so beautiful. He wished he could forget that part, but he just couldn't.

  "I'm glad to hear that."

  "You are much like your father," She asked him curiously.

  "No, I wouldn't beat my kids. I might spank them with my hand, but I'd never beat them I never cause them scars or bruises."

  "Were you beaten often?"

  "Yes, almost every day. I had bruises all the time. What did they do to you when you tried to kill the man back there at the store.?" Matt asked.

  "They beat me."

  "Bad?"

  "Yes…"

  "What with?"

  "A whip."

  "I'm sorry!"

  "You did not beat me."

  "Why were you at the store and not
home with your husband?" He asked.

  She seemed to think about the question before answering. "Many months ago," Her eyes seemed to reflect on the past. "I was getting supplies for the winter at the store. I was sent with a travois because I speak better English than the others. There were many people there. But I was taken prisoner by one of the owners. I cooked for him, cleaned for him…and…"

  Matt nodded and then realized, she was about to say something else.

  "You been married long?"

  "No, I had just married and had not been with my husband yet."

  "Good grief. That's sad." Jake eyed her.

  She shrugged. "My husband married me because our parents died, and he was to provide for me." She explained and looked away. "He is not in love with me."

  "Sounds like what the Mormons do. Are you in love with him?"

  "Mormons?"

  "From Utah, yeah, when a parent or husband dies, the kin marry her and take care of her."

  "Yes, it is like that."

  "Did you love him?"

  "I was grateful to be a part of his family, yes." She nodded. "He was a great warrior, and very handsome. But…he loves my sister. I cannot love him but respect him and honor him."

  "Your sister?"

  "Yes, his second wife." She smiled.

  "What about his first wife?"

  "Naomi is his white slave and first wife. She is very pretty, and it amuses him to have her, but he is in love with my sister and that won't change. I was to bear him children and he would be satisfied."

  "White slave?" Matt stood up, his anger festering.

  "Yes, he is a dog soldier and he captured her from a raid."

  "Good gosh amighty, how many women does he need?" Matt looked agitated.

  Her brows narrowed. "It is not like you think. He had followed the wagon train for miles, hoping to steal a few horses. He took her because her white husband beat her. They were on a wagon train heading to Oregon. She accidently spilled a pail of water and her white husband beat her until she cried. He cares for her, very much. As he feels sorry for her, but his love is only for my sister."

  "If she's white she should be with her people."

  Snow Bird shook her head. "They would not have her, now."