Wherever My Heart Roams (Brides of the West Series Book Nine) Read online

  His apology seemed genuine.

  "Why? Why would you make such a deal with my folks? I'm not the prettiest of the bunch…"

  "You are very pretty. I've seen you in town, several times. I thought you were pretty as a picture."

  "Oh yeah. I'm a doll. Barefoot and worn out clothes." She cried.

  "Clothes don't really make a woman. Those kinds of things are fixable. I wasn't looking at your clothes."

  "Why would you want to fix that?" Her voice turned cold and almost belligerent.

  "'Cause you are gonna be my wife." He answered, watching her face contort. "I can provide well for you, believe it or not."

  "Your wife?" She shouted at him. "You want me to marry you?" She backed up a little and cocked her head at him.

  He laughed. "Well, you didn't think I was just gonna take you home with me and not marry you, did you?" He laughed again.

  "But that's indecent. You don't know me. You don't love me. Folks don't marry without love."

  His head turned slightly then he stared at her with a slow burning smile on his face.

  "Love is something that comes later. So I’m told."

  "Later? Where are you from, because it doesn't come later for me! I won't marry the likes of you. You're a stranger." She backed up against the tree. "I don't mean to be rude, but…"

  "Your folks are starving Beth. I want to help."

  She scrunched up her nose, "You offered to marry me, because my folks are starving?"

  "Not exactly…but it did influence me."

  "Well, explain it to me then. I don't understand?" She shook her head and turned away. "I don't understand any of this."

  He sighed heavily, silently as though he were studying on how to answer her. As though he meant to put some thought into the answer.

  "I offered to help your folks. They wouldn't take my money unless they could give me something in return."

  "And they gave me to you? That's not funny. At least from where I'm standing it isn't."

  Beth rounded on him now and fire came spitting from her eyes. "They sold me into bondage so they could eat?"

  She couldn't keep the belligerence out of her voice.

  "Not bondage Beth, just living. But yes…they sold you out…to me. I'm sorry. I know, from your point of view it really does seem like they sold you out, but in time, I hope you change your mind about that. I'll never be mean or cruel to you. I can provide well, and…truth be known there is something between us, already. I mean…if you are honest about it. You been looking at me ever since I came here." His slight smile flirted with her.

  She started pacing the dusty road. "Sure I looked. Any girl would. But…I don't believe this. They sold their daughter. I'm a person. You don't sell what you love…"

  "They offered me their horses and cows, I wouldn't take them."

  "Why not?" She charged.

  "They need them."

  "But they don't need me?" She asked swallowing hard.

  He struggled with an answer. "Beth despite what you are thinking, I'm not a wolf in sheep's clothing. I don't think they need you as much as…I do."

  "You?" You need me?" She asked stunned.

  "In a way, yes."

  "But I'm not something to be sold." Her temper flared.

  "I agree." He said softly, moving a strand of her hair behind her ear. The action caused a stir in her. He noticed and smiled again. "You're a human being with lovely eyes and hair. But you are way too thin, and I can help you, too." He offered. "We can help each other."

  "Who ask you to?"

  "Beth try to understand. You are of age. And they got too many kids they can't feed. Getting rid of one would help some." He explained. "I realize that isn't romantic, but it is the truth."

  When she grew quiet, he went on.

  "I won't hurt you Beth. And I won't impose myself upon you until you are ready or want to." He promised.

  "Want to what?" Beth shouted at him.

  He looked at her stunned…"Want to…to…make love." He realized too late that Beth knew nothing of the subject.

  When she blushed, he couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. She wished he wouldn't smile so much, because it did strange things to her innerts.

  "Oh my God. This is not a conversation I should be having with you." She said her eyes widening in fear. "This is indecent." She staggered about, not knowing which way to turn.

  "It started out as sort of a joke…" He began.

  "Well, I'm sorry…It isn't funny…." Her voice sounded weak or choked, she only knew she held the tears back. She was of age, that was true. She was a fully grown woman, that was true. But she wasn't ready for this!

  When silence prevailed she looked at him and snarled her nose and mouth. "Who are you?"

  "I'm Wade Cahill…I'm a gambler." He admitted.

  "A gambler?" Her eyes got bigger. "A man of sin and they sold me to you? I can't believe this."

  Wade stared at her with a slight frown.

  "My Pa…he was in a card game…with you?"

  "That's about the size of it. Yes." He looked a tad guilty.

  "Oh my God…I can't believe he'd do such a thing." She almost lost her breath. "Well I can, but I can't. Pa loves to play poker, taught all of us kids…"

  One minute she was teasing her sister with the idea, the next her father had gambled her away. She never believed for a moment it would happen. But the reality was, it had.

  "How much does my father owe you?" She asked. "Maybe I could arrange to pay it back, somehow. I could get a job."

  "You don't really want to know."

  "How much?" Her eyes widened.

  "Five thousand dollars."

  She opened her mouth to say something and nothing came out. Her eyes had tears in them now. "I don't believe it! And you thought he had that much money? Did he look like a rich man to you?"

  "At first, yeah. I mean, he said he had assets. When he explained later, I didn't know what to do. He said he never welched on a deal. He was so sure he had a winning hand. And he showed me the hand, Beth. It was worth betting on. He had a full house!"

  "In more ways than one!" She retorted.

  "Don't be too hard on him. Afterwards, he brought me home with him. And I saw you again. You were leaning against that weeping willow tree by the pond out there, your eyes were closed, but I could see you were breathing. I thought you were the most beautifully untouched thing I'd ever seen. So I told him…I knew how he could repay me. He agreed. So now…we're engaged to marry."

  "My God!" She cried aloud. She stomped about in a tizzy. "This doesn't happen in real life! It can't. It's barbaric. A man and a woman are supposed to fall in love, then the man gets on one knee and proposes to the woman. That's how it is supposed to be."

  "It's life, Beth. I'd never hurt you." He promised. "And don't be too hard on your folks, you are of age, and…well…"

  She stared at him now. "You won't touch me?"

  "Not unless you want me to."

  "I don't. Not ever!"

  He laughed, a soft laugh, as though he knew better.

  "You do consent though, right?" He smiled crookedly at her. "To the marriage that is?"

  "You'd marry a woman that wouldn't let you touch her?" She asked stunned by his insistence.

  His smile spread across his face, and her heart nearly stopped beating, he was so-o handsome. That smile could melt a piece of chocolate, she thought to herself.

  When he didn't say anything, she cocked her head and stared.

  "Do I really have a choice?"

  "You don't want your father to go to jail do you?"

  "Jail?"

  "He owes me $5,000. Plus, I threw in another thousand to feed his family with. Granted I think of myself as a generous man, but, that is a lot of money."

  Her mouth opened but nothing came out.

  Now the reality hit hard. This was real. This man had made a deal for her, and her father had accepted. That was the crime, her father accepted the deal.
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br />   "How do you know he'll feed his family, he could gamble it away too."

  "Not hardly, the money is at the general store, on an account I opened in his name. With strict instructions for him to feed his family with."

  "You've thought of everything, haven't you?"

  "Tried to, yes."

  "And what do I have to do?"

  "Just marry me."

  "Why? Why me? Martina is much prettier."

  He looked at her and she thought she saw a slight blush to his cheeks as he spoke. "I'll admit I was taken with you the first time I saw you. Couldn't take my eyes off of you. No woman has ever done that to me. I don't know why I was so attracted to you. Still don't. And just a few minutes ago, you looked at me, really looked and we both know there is an attraction on both sides. That is if you can be honest with yourself."

  "I gotta talk to Mama…" She said before he could stop her, and she marched back to the house. She didn't turn to see if he was following, she simply marched away.

  Everyone had eaten and her mother was alone in the kitchen, waiting for her return.

  She looked at her with guilty eyes. "I'm sorry darlin' but we had to do something."

  "You knew….?"

  "Of course I did."

  "How can you sell me to this stranger?" She demanded shutting drawers and slamming things around in the kitchen.

  "We have no money to buy food with. We have eleven other children to feed. We had to do something. Honey, it will be alright. He's right nice looking. Got good manners. you'll learn to love him in time."

  "And what am I supposed to do, in the meantime, Mama? He'll expect me to sleep…with him…how can I do that, Mama."

  Her mother looked at her and smiled. "Just follow your heart. That's all, darlin'. Just follow your heart."

  "But mama, I'm not ready for this…." Beth cried as Martina came in the kitchen asking about all the noise.

  "He done promised to treat you right and not force himself on you…" Her mother said cheerfully.

  "I want daddy's old pistol." Beth cried trying to slow her breathing down.

  "What for?" Her mother demanded.

  "For making sure he honors those words." Beth cried.

  "Marriage is built on trust dear." Her mother informed her.

  "Trust, I don't even know the man…How can I possibly trust him?"

  Martina looked from one to the other. "What's going on? Are you really engaged Beth?"

  "I reckon I am…" She stared at her mother incredulously. "They did it, Martina" Beth turned to look at her sister, her eyes wild and searching. "They really did it! One minute you and me were joking about it, and the next they did it. They sold me down the river."

  "Oh now, it's not that bad. He's right good looking, clean, and I saw a bible sticking out from his saddle bags when he rode up." Her mother was saying. "He can't be that bad."

  "A bible. And that makes him suitable?" Beth cried, her hysteria only moments away.

  "Your Pa never was never good with cards. I tried to tell him over and over not to gamble but he wouldn't listen. He always thought just one right hand would save us. It's a weakness in some men. We had to do something, the kids have to eat, darlin'. If he goes to jail, we'll starve."

  "Mama sold you down the river?" Martina gasped. "I thought they were joking."

  "It sure looks like it, but I'd say Pa sold me, and Mama just went along with it." Beth cried walking down the hallway to the room she shared with four sisters.

  "Are you going with him?" Martina asked following her.

  "I have no choice in the matter. But I won't set one foot off this property without a marriage license at least." Beth assured her.

  Martina sat on the edge of the bed they shared. "Well, you got your fancy pants, but I sure didn't think it would happen this fast."

  "Neither did I." Beth muttered miserably.

  Chapter Two

  After supper the stranger left and the kids gathered into the main room. Their father was sitting in a worn out rocking chair, loading his pipe and glancing down at them every now and then as they either sat, or laid on the floor. Beth stared at him for a moment from a distance. The man she had loved so dearly all her life, her father, had sold her out, for food on the table.

  "Reverend Farley will marry you next Sunday, Beth, so you best be putting your heads together for some kind of dress to marry in." Her father informed her as they all crowded around the fire to listen to one of their father's tall tales he like to tell.

  Just like that, she was getting married. And he didn't seem to care a whit.

  "Beth's getting' married?" Joan the seven-year-old asked, looking at her sister with big eyes.

  "Yes she is."

  "To who?" Jacob the oldest asked, his face scrunching up in a huge frown. Jacob was one year younger than Beth and very protective of her.

  Maybe Jacob could change her father's mind!

  "Mr. Cahill, the man that had supper with us." Her father explained. "I told you all, she's engaged now."

  "She don't even know him." Jacob shook his head. "How can she marry a perfect stranger?"

  "Don't matter. She's getting married. The subject is closed. It's arranged." Her father told them. "He's asked for her hand. And I accepted."

  Jacob shot Beth a strange look. Was he pitying her?

  All the kids looked from one to the other. This was big news, and few knew what to think of it.

  "She's leaving us?" Janet her younger sister cried out. Janet was ten and always curious and sometimes overly dramatic.

  Carolyn glanced at Beth, and looked really startled. She was just going through puberty and everything upset her lately.

  "All of you will eventually leave as you get married. Maybe not the boys, but you girls will." Her father told them. "It's the way life is. Girls marry and move off with their husbands. Nothing strange about that. Just part of life."

  But tears formed in Janet's eyes as she turned to her younger sister Joan, "But I'll miss her, does she have to go?"

  Most of the kids laid on the floor, side by side. The house was big, old, and falling apart. There were leaks in the roof, gaps in the floor and all number of problems, but it was home and they all made the best of it.

  Her brothers, Jacob, Matthew, Daniel, Mark, Luke and James all stared at her with their mouths open.

  Beth grabbed Martina's hand and they went back to the bedroom, a room full of bunk beds, and one regular bed in the middle of the room. Four other sisters slept in this room aside from her and Martina. Sometimes Martina and Beth would complain that they never had any privacy, but today Beth looked at the room and knew how much she would miss it.

  "Wedding dress? I don't have no wedding dress." Beth cried when she shut the door. "I got two dresses to my name."

  But her mother was on the other side of the door and came through. She was holding Ruth the three-year-old on her hip. Her mother saw her expression and she reached to touch her cheek. "You can use mine…I can take it in for you. We'll measure you tomorrow after you bath in the creek."

  "Bath in the creek? Tomorrow isn't Saturday and I'm not going to town."

  "No, but you are trying on my wedding dress and you will be spotless young lady. I plan to pass that dress down to every one of you, and we must take care of it."

  Beth looked wide-eyed. "I really got to go through with this? I mean…I don't know him Mama. He's handsome, but…I don't know nothing about him. He's a stranger. When you used to talk to me and Martina, you talked about the men we would fall in love with. Well…I'm not in love! Not yet at least."

  Her mother glanced about the clean room, and nodded. Even her heart was heavy that her first born was leaving, Beth could tell. But she squared her shoulders and faced Beth with the truth of it.

  "Beth you are twenty years old. Another year or so and people would be callin' you an old maid." She looked Beth in the eyes and saw the surprise n her face.

  "Old maid! Mama!"

  "I know, you're still a ch
ild in some ways, but it's time you were growing up, dear. It's time you were marrying any way. This man seems very nice and clean and quite good looking. What's wrong with that?" Her mother asked. "It's not like you are marrying some old man or ugly man."

  "What's wrong with it?" Beth moved away to show her displeasure. "What's wrong with it Mama, is that I have no choice, that's what is wrong." Beth argued. "I don't know the man, I don't have any feelings for him. And yet you expect me to marry him. What happened to love, Mama? I thought marriage was about love. You've taught us that since we were little. Love is the most important thing, you said. Am I wrong. Don't you love Pa?"

  "Of course I do. Now. But when we first married I wasn't as sure. I had a lot of beaus. But there was something about your father, I'm just not sure what that was. And I've sadly neglected teaching you more about being a woman. Twenty is old to be marrying. You should know that! You and Martina both are old enough for marriage. And as far as love is concerned, well honey, you'll get to know him. Besides, I seen you starin' at him from the swing. You're already attracted to him. That's half of it right there."

  "I look at a man, because he's nice looking and you automatically think I want to marry him, Mama?" She cried.

  "I guess I'm next, huh?" Martina approached her mother with dismay. "Boy if you are a girl around here you better watch out."

  Seeing the rebellion in Martina's eyes, her mother shrugged. "Women are supposed to marry and have children. I've taught you both about well…you know…and you are ready to take a husband. Your Pa and I both think it will be good for you. It's time you grew up, Beth. You do your chores, your responsible, but you haven't grown up in a lot of ways. Now you will have to." Her mother glanced at Martina. "And yes, you'll be next."

  Martina rolled her eyes effectively.

  "Mama, I know we have very little, but…I thought you meant when I find a boy…or man…I like and want to get married. Not the first person who looks at me." Beth cried and flopped on the bed's edge.

  "Don't you want to help your father get out of this debt?" Her mother nearly screamed.