Raining In My Heart (Book One of the McKay's) Read online

  Raining In My Heart

  Rita Hestand

  Raining In My Heart

  Copyright© 2013 Rita Hestand

  License Notes

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebooks may not be resold or given away to other people. Please purchase an additional copy for each person you share with. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the author.

  Raining In My Heart is a work of fiction. Though actual locations may be mentioned, they are used in a fictitious manner and the events and occurrences were invented in the mind and imagination of the author. Similarities of names used within to any person, past, present, or future, are coincidental.

  Chapter One

  "Cade?" Julie spoke hesitantly into the phone.

  There was a quiet moment on the other end before anyone answered. "Uh…yeah Julie, this is Cade. How are you doin'?"

  The rich timber of his voice sent a shiver through Julie. She'd forgotten how his voice affected her.

  "I'm fine…just a little surprised to hear from you? I mean… it's been a while…and I didn't know you had my number." Julie sighed and leaned against the door frame as she pondered what this call could be about. Now, hearing Cade's voice over the phone brought back that strange impasse she never wanted to broach.

  Cade Weston, the man Julie marked in her mind as Mr. Wrong, was the only man that ever made love to Julie McKay. Not that she was in love with him, but there was something deep down that niggled within her, just hearing his voice. It wasn't so much that he'd made love to her, but the way he'd made love sent a warm fuzzy feeling flooding through her she couldn't explain even now. Over ten years now and she still hadn't forgotten how he always seemed bigger than life to her. How many times had she told herself he was the wrong man? And how many times had the feeling she had made some grave mistake swept through her?

  What should have been the clue was her own submission. She knew before they made love that she didn't want to stop and that this was not Wade Weston. Something echoed in her mind. It had been the one time in her life she had relaxed and let it happen. And despite all her own inner scoldings, she didn't regret that one time. In fact, she'd spent a lot of time relishing the night they made love. Cade had been everything she wanted Wade to be: tender, loving, sweet.

  Cade's voice held a certain amount of strain that she had never heard from him. Understandably so, and yet not like him at all. "I didn't think you'd recognize my voice."

  "Well, I never told you…" She hesitated, wondering if she should admit anything. "But you have a very distinctive voice. Just don't let it go to your head." She laughed.

  He was quiet again.

  That would never happen; Cade hadn't a vain streak in his body.

  "Uh…look, Julie, I guess you didn't expect me to call. And that's perfectly understandable, after all this time, but this isn't a pleasurable call. And I hate to be the one to tell you this…but it looks like I’m elected."

  "Tell me?" she queried. "Tell me what? You sound so mysterious."

  "Yeah…it's your father, Julie…he's had a heart attack," Cade said with such exaggerated slowness it took a minute to sink into Julie's brain exactly what Cade was telling her.

  "A heart attack…oh my God, well…he's okay though, right?" Julie affirmed. "He's in the hospital, being monitored, right? What hospital, Cade?"

  Another long pause had Julie gripping the phone, and holding a pen and paper to write down the number. "Cade…he's okay, right?"

  The silence was unbearable and tears clouded her vision as an ominous feeling swamped her from his silence.

  "Honey…" His velvet voice melted all over her as she swallowed hard. "I'd give anything in the world not to tell you this. I'm sorry I'm the one, but no, he didn't make it." Cade let out a held breath.

  Taking the phone from her ear, Julie stood staring at the phone for a long moment. His words slowly resounded and made sense, and yet they didn't. She gripped the phone with a choke hold, held it away from her and never even realized that tears were beginning to blind her.

  "Julie…." Cade called into the phone softly.

  When she still didn't answer, he made some kind of noise. "Julie, are you alright?"

  "Uh….no, of course I'm not alright. I can't believe it. I just spoke with him a few weeks ago and he was fine. Now you're telling me he's dead?" she barked, her tears beginning to choke her. "Please tell me this is some cruel joke. Cade…please…."

  "I'm sorry honey, I didn't know how to break it to you; I'm probably not the best one for this job, but…I had to call, to make sure you knew…" Cade whispered the compassion in his voice, sending an alarming thrill through her. It wasn't the time nor the place, but it happened. Cade always was kinder than his brother. Julie never fully appreciated it until now. No one could have broken the news to her like this but Cade. "I guess I didn't do a very good job. Wade should have been the one to call you but he gave me the honor."

  His voice cajoled for some reason, like a calm settling over a stormy sea. Cade had that effect; so powerful, in fact, it felt as though he were putting his arm around her.

  Julie took a breath and sighed heavily, her hands beginning to shake. Something in her head said she wished Cade was here in person, to lay her head on his big shoulders, to smother her tears in his strong cheek.

  "Julie, look, I'm sorry to intrude into your life, but you need to get out here, as soon as you can. Wendy is the only one here, and she's pretty choked up too. Wade's in no mood, and the lawyer is comin' out in a day or two to read the will. You'll need to help make some decisions about the funeral, I guess. You'll get a letter, probably tomorrow from him, informing you to come home."

  "Of course….yes, you are right. I'll be there as soon as possible. Thank you so much for letting me know. And…Cade, it was very kind of you," Julie murmured, still in a state of shock. "I'm sorry you were elected, but I can't think of anyone who could deliver this kind of news better."

  "Honey, I didn't want to deliver this kind of news. I just thought someone should." Cade's voice went flat. "Wade told me he hadn't notified you, so I took it upon myself to call when he gave me the list. Your name wasn't on the list, but you're the first one I thought of. So I took it on myself to find your number in your dad's things. I hope I haven't stepped out of line, I just wanted you to know."

  "I-I appreciate it, Cade; I just can't believe it. It was very thoughtful of you. Tell Wendy I'll be there as soon as I can arrange it here. And Cade…."

  "Yeah?"

  "Thanks for letting me know…I mean, personally. I may not deserve it, but I really do appreciate it." Julie tried to get a hold of herself.

  "Sure thing. Guess I'll see you when you get here then. If you need any help or anything…let me know."

  "Thanks."

  "Talk to you soon…" Cade said, his words strung out like a slow violin.

  Julie hung up the phone and glanced about her. Her nine-year-old daughter, Kellie, stood in the living room watching her.

  "Is something wrong, Mama?" she asked innocently.

  "Uh…yeah. Honey…your grandpa, he's…." She couldn't finish. She couldn't say the words. She couldn't think. Tears blinded her every time she tried to say the words. Her daughter's brows lifted then came together in a worried glance.

  She saw her daughter take her hand, saw her lead her to the couch, and felt her clutch her. This was her Kellie, her only child, the love of her life, and she was here for her.

  Tears streamed down her face as she hugged her daughter close. "Oh God. I just can't believe it."

  "Grandpa died, didn't he?" Kellie asked as she squeezed her mother's hand
.

  Julie stared into her daughter's beautiful blue eyes and nodded. "Yes, darling, he did."

  She must have hugged her for a long time as the sun had gone down when she finally let go of Kellie long enough to look about. Kellie hadn't complained.

  The doorbell rang and Julie methodically wiped her eyes and went to answer it. Her movements were like a robot, doing, but not realizing.

  A registered letter from the lawyer was nearly thrown in her face as she opened the door. "Please sign here," the deliveryman said, his voice uncaring, his demeanor rushed.

  Julie signed the document, gave the deliveryman a quick appraisal, closed the door and was about to go back to Kellie's side when the doorbell rang again.

  "This just isn't the time for company…" she muttered as she went to the door.

  "Jim…" Opening the door once more, she stared at the immaculately handsome man in front of her as though she'd never seen him before. Ordinarily, she'd run into his arms and kiss him, but today she didn't have it in her. She couldn't move, function. For the first time in her life, she saw Jim from her daughter's eyes: cold, unmoved, mechanical, a walking robot of a businessman, too concerned with business deals and other people to notice she was caving into her own little shell. His briefcase and phone in his hands, it was impossible to go into his arms. She stood there staring at him as though for the first time and not liking what she was seeing. Her eyes almost wild, she barely took in the expensive suit, and the half glance he gave her.

  "Julie…what's wrong?" Jim asked seconds later as he caught the distraught glance she gave him and shoved his phone into his pocket. He halted not far from the door, rooted by her inability to speak. Finally, she grabbed the lapel of his jacket and stared up into his face and held on for dear life. But warmth didn't flood her. It was only a lapel and there was no one under that lapel that was grabbing her and holding her like they should. Only a cold bare feeling as though she were cuddling with a stone wall. She shook herself. It had to be her numbness of the moment; she silently explained the situation to her own mind. Jim was not an unfeeling brute.

  Kellie seemed to watch them for a while before going toward them. "Grandpa died…." she explained simply.

  Jim's glance flew from Julie to Kellie and he looked into Julie's face. "I'm so sorry. How did you find this out?"

  He still didn't take her into his arms, rather waiting for her answers.

  "Cade called," Julie answered, feeling a numbness surround her, as though she weren't in the same room with her daughter and fiancée.

  "The foreman?" Jim frowned.

  "No…his brother," Julie corrected. She knew she was making all the right moves, doing all the right things, but she felt nothing. She wanted to go lie down, and forget the call happened, to turn back time and correct all the mistakes, to forget that Jim still hadn't taken her into his arms for comfort's sake. None of that was happening. Somehow, she would have to function for the rest of the evening.

  "You know, at a time like this, you might want to be alone; maybe I should go," he offered, shooting her a look of ill ease from the distraught expressions on their faces. Julie had forgotten that Jim was not an emotional man. He couldn't deal with emotions. He ran from them. Julie stared at him for a long moment, realizing once more Jim's lack of understanding, lack of comfort. How had she become so emotionally involved with a man who understood so little about family, love and responsibilities?

  Weren't boyfriends supposed to cajole and comfort you? Didn't he have any feelings for her? She stared at him as though he'd grown two heads.

  Instead of arguing that she needed his arms around her, needed his love surrounding her, she nodded woodenly. "If you like…"

  Jim glanced at Kellie. "Call me later and let me know how she is, please."

  "Where are you going?" Julie managed to ask.

  "I've got a meeting with Craig this evening; I may be in for an advancement."

  "Oh yes, I forgot…" Julie muttered.

  "Call me…later." He glanced at Julie's lack of response.

  "Sure," Julie mumbled.

  Kellie nodded as he shot her a glance, she shut the door behind him and turned to look at her mother.

  "That didn't go too well, did it?" Kellie rolled her eyes.

  "No." Julie grabbed at her forehead. "And I'm not ready to face that either. Let's just try to relax and get our bearings, honey."

  "Want me to call for a pizza?" Kellie asked.

  "Yes, please, that would be wonderful. I'm not up to cooking tonight."

  "I know, Mama…" Kellie grabbed her again and hugged her. "You loved him, didn't you…grandpa…grandpa, I mean."

  "Of course I loved him, honey. I just wasn't very good at showing it." She held her hand tightly. Had she become a robot too? Like Jim?

  "It's okay. I guess he wasn't either. It's just…you quit talking about him much…"

  "Yeah, I guess I did." Julie glanced around the apartment as though she'd lost something, then back at her daughter. Seeing the distress on her face, she squeezed her hand. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Kellie. I can't believe you're so capable at your age of handling things." Julie suddenly grabbed Kellie and hung on for life. "You've had to grow up faster than most kids, being an only child, having one babysitter after another."

  Kellie smiled sadly, hugging her tighter. "You taught me, Mama. We always take care of each other, don't we?"

  "Yes darling, we do." Julie took solace in her sweet daughter's face.

  Kellie smiled. "Come on, Mama, let's curl up on the couch together, watch an old movie and order pizza, things will look better tomorrow."

  "He would have loved you." Julie smiled into Kellie's cheek. "I'm sorry I didn't take you there sooner."

  "Me too, Mama."

  "It's my fault." Julie wiped her eyes and pulled her daughter against her. "So much is my fault. I see it now."

  Chapter Two

  Julie stepped harder on the accelerator, as she firmed her lips and squinted from the bright sun she headed straight into.

  Her mind was a million miles from Sweetwater, Texas. And yet, it was only because she forced it to the back of her mind. Dealing with her father's untimely death seemed to zap everything from her. She couldn't function. She had loved him so, but she realized she had neglected to show him.

  Her business head forced her to think of her job. She had clients waiting for her back at the office in Dallas. This was one of those visits she'd rather put off indefinitely and knew she couldn't. How would she survive it?

  She glanced at her daughter, as she changed the radio station to country music, something they both preferred. As a soulful voice filled the air, Julie felt another tear falling and suddenly switched the music off.

  Thoughts of her father came rushing back.

  George Bennett McKay would have left her very little if anything, she was sure of that. She really didn't deserve it anyway. He'd given her everything she ever needed and he never once slighted her or treated her differently from his own children. After all, he'd adopted her when he married her mother twenty-three years ago. Adopted children weren't a consideration when there were blood relatives to consider. She didn't want or need his money or property. Still, something deep down inside her knew she wanted to see the home-place once more. And she had missed the camaraderie of her sisters.

  She should have sent her excuses by mail and ignored this day altogether, everyone would understand, they might not even expect her to come. They might not want her to come.

  Tomorrow would be hard enough, with the funeral. She hadn't seen her step-sisters in the last eight years. She'd had her baby, got a job, gone off to college, and then gotten a better job as an accountant, as soon as she graduated. She'd worked her way up to Senior Accountant with her office, and it hadn't been easy.

  She hadn't bothered to visit her father or sisters. But there were underlying reasons, besides the obvious ones for not being around. Still, she was the oldest in the family and it was more th
an proper for her to be here, since the papers sent were from a local lawyer, and practically insisted her being present this morning. Why, she couldn't imagine.

  "Mom, do they have horses on the ranch?"

  "Sure honey, lots of horses."

  "Can I go see them while you talk to the lawyer?"

  "I don't see why not. I'm sure the conversation would bore you, anyway."

  "I wish I'd known grandpa. I can't wait to see the ranch and horses though."

  "I know, honey. And I’m sorry we never came. I'm sorry for a lot of things. I wish I could change a few things for you, but I can't."

  "Why didn't we ever come home, Mama? Didn't you and grandpa get along?"

  "It's not that exactly. It's hard to explain, we had some disagreements, nothing really serious, but well...things happened."

  "You wouldn't stay away from me like that, would you?"

  "Of course not, darling." Julie wanted to explain so many things, but it wasn't the time to go into detail about the why's of it. She just had to get by for the next couple of days, somehow without falling apart.

  "At least now I'll get to meet my aunts. You think they'll like me?"

  "Of course they will darling, they'll love you. It isn't fair, I've been trying to get to a place where we could take a nice vacation; it's been hard, moving up in the company hasn't allowed me as much time for you as I would like. But I see one thing very clearly now: I've got to make time. I had planned to visit this summer though. At least that was my intention; I even spoke to grandpa about it. He was about to visit."

  Kellie's mouth turned down. "Do you think they will like me?"

  "Oh of course they will, honey. They will spoil you rotten. They are all three different, but you'll probably relate most to Wendy, she's the youngest."

  Julie checked her hair in the mirror; it was falling down from her quick coil. She shrugged and took the barrette out. Dark brown hair cascaded down her shoulders, and she grimaced, so much for sophistication. Her dark brown eyes looked deep and hollow. Her skin had paled. She looked almost sick.